In A Moment
by Joriel
Summary: This is set in that long moment where Shinji just holds Koaru in his Eva's hands, with a little of my rationalizing of the series and life in general tossed in. Yaoi references.


A moment can be forever. It can be an eternity of love, a lifetime of happiness, a century of joy. Time does funny things, and even time bows down to the force of Love. When one moment is all you have, time gives you everything in that moment.  
  
I know, I'm in that moment right now.  
  
Are you with me?  
  
Or am I alone in this moment? Somehow, I don't think so. The memory of your blush when I teased you in the bath is strong in my mind, I affect you. Would it help you to know that I don't understand what this force between us is any better than you? Oh, I recognize it for what it is, can call it by it's name, but I have never had the chance to understand it.  
  
I never will. Because I'm in this moment, this moment of a lifetime compressed that will never be lived. You think you are hesitating out of morality, perhaps. Maybe even fear, or uncertainty. Unwillingness to stain your hands with the blood of someone you talked to, someone you knew and slept next to just the night before.  
  
I'm not like the others, am I Shinji? I have a name, and a face, and a voice. A voice that whispered things into your ear while you slept beside me last night. Your waking mind probably doesn't know that, but I know that your heart does. It's why I did it. To leave a part of myself forever behind in your heart.  
  
I knew this moment was all I was ever going to have.  
  
I came here to destroy your kind, to unite with Adam, fulfill my function as an Angel. I can laugh at that idea now. It was before I looked into your eyes, you see. Those tormented dark eyes drowing in blood, the blood of Angels, the blood of your friend, the blood of your mother that you once bathed in when she was lost to you in the Eva graveyard.  
  
And I wanted to tell you that it's only phantom blood, you can wash it away with your innocence. None of it was acts you committed willfully without considering other options. You are not your father Shinji. You are not lost to Grace.  
  
Of everyone in this Project place, this heart of Nerv, you alone stand clearly in the grace of the God I serve. I wondered all night if you were the last innocent left on this planet. And I wished I could look into your waking eyes, and hear your soft voice tell me that you feel it to, that you love me.  
  
Last night I dreamed that I could take you away, and that we could live. Man was wrong about so many things for so many years Shinji. God didn't create any kind of love to be evil, and no Demon could ever create love. God never meant for any acts of love to be the cause of scorn or violence. He never meant for cosmetic differences to be either. But Mankind got it all wrong.  
  
And God never meant for man to create life in any way other than acts of Love. You see, while the mechanics are different, every act of creation God performed when he made the Earth was the same as the act between two humans that creates life, it was done in Love. Love is the true power of creation. He didn't even mind it when you figured out how to unite to cells of the same gender fertiley. It was when Gendo created those dolls, those lifeless and soulless dolls without any Love...that was when Man stood up against God and the War began.  
  
I think, somewhere deep inside, you know that Gendo, your own father, is responsible for all of this. I think you remember, deep in your soul, that horrible secret about your father and the EVA graveyard, and know the Sin that began this war. The Blood that fell to give life...life created in an act of Violence. A callous act in front of a child...to create a version of the woman he could control. Soulless dolls.  
  
Oh Shinji, my heart is dying because I cannot tell you any of this. You are safely tucked away inside the EVA where Gendo wanted you, far from my reach now that I know you truly are worth saving. My beautiful Shinji, I love you. I love you enough to die for you. I have the power to save myself even now, held almost gently in the grip of EVA 1. You know that too, I can feel it deep inside myself that you feel this moment too now. Your heart is almost close enough to touch...you can hear me now. Listen to me, Shinji, my love...  
  
Shinji, it's all right. I swear to you by all that I am, my blood will not stain you for life.  
  
Strike, my beautiful Shinji. The moment is over, and Time has reclaimed it's hold on us all.  
  
Strike, my love.  
  
Strike now.. 


End file.
